With Disney+ coming out I wanted an excuse to binge movies and this seemed like a good one. Although I don’t know how I’m going to actually decide anything because I truly love all of them. Now logistically, I wanted to film this and edit it a certain way, but my vision didn’t match my current skill level…So I’m just typing it for now. Maybe I’ll circle back and try filming another time.

I will have different categories to help me decide – Best Princess, Best Prince, Best Villain, and Best Story. I will also throw out my favorite side characters, quotes, and songs.

Movie 1: Snow White 1937 We all remember the story of the girl accepting candy from a stranger then getting sexually assault while in a coma. Wait, that’s not how you remember it? All jokes aside, the run time is only 83 minutes and half of it is b-plot dwarf shenanigans. Also opening credits and overtures need to come back into style. This is the movie I have seen the least, but I’m exciting to see it again. I get that style of singing was popular for it’s time, but it’s not my jam. “I’m Wishing” annoys me so much. The Prince and Snow White fall in love too fast. The Huntsman calls Snow White the little princess but she’s dressed in rags and cleaning? Is it clarified in the movie that she’s the step daughter? (yes, but it takes 38 minutes). The huntsman tells her to run and hide in the woods. Does he realize she has like zero survival skills? Also this scene totally scared me as a kid, but I’m loving the traditional Disney animation now. Wait, apparently talking to woodland creatures is all it takes to survive. “7 little chairs. There must be 7 little children. Oh look, a pickaxe.” The whistle why you work scene made me really happy. 22 minutes in and enter the dwarfs. Shenanigans ensure. Grumpy is so sweet; it’s adorable. Over an hour in and we finally get to the poison apple scene. Dang, the Evil Queen’s death was really anticlimactic. The dwarfs made the glass coffin and kept “eternal vigil”. How long was she asleep? My guess is less than a year. Also, did they poke holes in the glass for her to breathe? The prince goes up to mourn and kisses the dead girl not knowing it would wake her up. Who kisses dead strangers on the lips? HOW IS THAT TRUE LOVE? I swear he has a whole 2 minutes of screen time.
Favorite song: Whistle why you work
Honorable mentions: Someday my prince will come, Heigh-Ho
Favorite character: Dopey
In the running for least favorite prince, princess and villain, but overall I really enjoyed it – like a lot. 

Movie 2: Cinderella 1950 The movie where a girl just wants a night of to party, but gets stalked by a guy with a foot fetish. Also, a lot of Tom and Jerry shenanigans. Villain’s motive: Spite? Oh my gosh, I forgot how much I love Cinderella’s character. The King’s motive for throwing the ball is finding a girl for his son to knock up which is just awful. The scene when the mice are making the dress was one of my favorites as a child. This is one Jack and Gus versus Lucifer scene I can admit makes me smile. Maybe that’s why I get upset every time they destroy the dress. Can we appreciate the black choker Fairy Godmother thought went well with the blue/white ballgown? Almost an hour and we finally see Prince Charming. The King gets more screen time and personality than the Prince. Wait, she didn’t even know he was the Prince the whole time? Cinderella most have booked it from the first chime of midnight to the last, because they put some distance between themselves and the castle. “If the shoe fits” Did they do the whole movie just for that pun? Wait, did Lucifer just die by falling out the tower window? Dang that’s dark. And black choker again on her wedding day.
Favorite song: A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes
Honorable mentions: Bippity Boppity Boo
Favorite character: Cinderella, I guess. No one else is really likable.
The movie is honestly super boring. That’s my analysis.

Movie 3: Sleeping Beauty 1959 The one where the girl pokes her figure then gets sexually assault while in a coma. Full transparency: I love this movie. Another one where the kings arrange a marriage for political gain, but couple falls in love, so it’s okay? I’m saying it now. The fairies are my favorite characters. I love that Maleficent was like ‘Oh, I didn’t get an invite to this party. I’m gonna curse the baby.’ What a motive. The pink v. blue debate starts 13 minutes into the movie and I love it. Philip is the first Disney Prince that is hot, has personality, and actually has more than 1 line. Stephen, Hubert, and the bard get drunk while waiting for Aurora to arrive, and it is the weirdest scene. No one thought to warn Aurora? Like, hey girl, avoid needles or you’ll be cursed to eternal sleep. That should have come up in the “You’re a princess” conversation. Maleficent is full on monologuing to Philip. I was going to question why the fairies weren’t directly helping with Philip’s escape, but it was mentioned they can only use their powers for good. Oh wait, Merryweather turned the crow to stone. Why couldn’t they do that to all the goblins? IT’S FINALLY DRAGON TIME. Psh now it’s the kissing part. HOW IS IT TRUE LOVE WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER?! Nothing like ending the movie with a romantic waltz with the blue v. pink war continuing.
Favorite song: Once Upon a Dream
Honorable mentions: All the instrumental background bits
Favorite character: Merryweather
If you’re looking for a classic Disney movie, this is by far my favorite.

Movie 4: Little Mermaid 1989 The fish out of water story where the girl sells her soul for man she’s never met. Stupid girl. Despite how much I disagree with Ariel watching the movie as an adult, this was by far my favorite as a kid because MERMAIDS. What we learn from the opening of the movie is Ariel is self-centered, head-strong, and reckless. Ursula was banished by Triton and decides to use Ariel for revenge. Is this the first villain with a REAL motive? I will give Ariel some love at first sight points, because Eric is looking fine, adventurous and a hopeless romantic. However, he’s not sell your voice and soul to a witch level of hotness. Eric half recognizes Ariel and guesses she is the one, but then changes his mind when she can’t talk. Idiot. He then dresses her up and takes her on dates, but is still obsessing over the Voice. He finally chooses Ariel, but then Vanessa shows up with her witch powers and he decides to marry her instead. Ariel manages to break the spell, but fails to get the kiss. Eric has been pretty useless the whole movie with Ariel having to save his life multiple times. He tries though. He finally manages to save the day with his sailing skills by ramming Ursula. Okay, true love and happy endings aside. WHO GIVES AWAY THEIR 16 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO BE MARRIED AND NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN?? THEY’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR THREE DAYS!!
Favorite song: Poor Unfortunately Soul. Hands down. I sing this ALL the time.
Honorable mentions: Part of your world (Reprise)
Favorite character: Ursula, I guess. A lot of the characters don’t have a great personality. At least, Ursula has sass.
I do love mermaids and I love Ursula, but the movie has a stupid plot.

Movie 5: Beauty and the Beast 1991 Where the girl is a prisoner to a monster and falls in love with his library. Belle is the princess I relate to the most because she’s book nerd who wants adventure. I know the live action answered a lot of my original gripes, but I’m reviewing the cartoon so here we go! How old was the prince? How long was the curse? Why didn’t the town people remember the castle? Is the enchantress the real villain? Is it really a bookshop if it’s just a guy in town where no one reads? GASTON IS THE REAL VILLAIN BECAUSE HE DISRESPECTS BOOKS…and also women! Belle is so graceful, intelligent, brave, and sassy. I love her. Okay, this may be my favorite Renaissance movie. I can’t stop smiling. Why is Gaston obsessed with Belle? Is it because she’s the most beautiful? Is it the challenge of the hunt? I just don’t buy his motive. Is it really lame I love Cogsworth’s baroque joke? “If it ain’t baroque, don’t fix it.” Gaston thinks selling Belle’s dad to the asylum will convince Belle to marry him? This guy is clueless. Beast starts falling in love after the wolf attack when Belle stays and tends his wounds. Cogsworth’s one liners though: “Flowers, chocolates, promises you don’t intend to keep”. Belle starts falling in love after Beast gives her the library. Same girl. The Beauty and the Beast waltz is so beautiful and classic. Beast lets her go because he loves her, and the movie could really use a good ballad right there. If I Can’t Love Her or Evermore – just throwing out some name ideas. Gaston begs like a baby, stabs Beast in the back, then falls to his death. Seems appropriate. Anyone else think he looks better as a Beast than a human? Just me? Okay.
Favorable song: The Mob Song
Honorable mentions: Belle (Reprise), Gaston
Favorite character: I truly love Belle.
Classic princess movie with humor and adventure, and a personal favorite.

Movie 6: Aladdin 1992 The only princess movie named after a boy who lies and steals to get the girl. It opens with Robin Williams improve and it is beautiful and I want the full hidden recording. Jafar’s motive is power and that’s an acceptable motive. Iago is the most annoying character in Disney history. Why do I remember him being more likable in King of Thieves? (Follow up blog idea: straight to DVD sequels). Jasmine had Raja attack her suitor and I relate. I love the scene when Jasmine and Aladdin meet in the market and she pretends to be crazy. It’s my favorite. She casually pull vaults across rooftops? What a boss. So the rule is touch nothing but the lamp. If Aladdin is the diamond in the rough, does that rule only apply to him? Obviously Aladdin gets punished for Abu, but it doesn’t seem fair. I’ve never understood how Abu gets the lamp back from Jafar. There’s no moment for him to steal it back. ROBIN WILLIAMS. Aladdin is such a liar. Just tell the truth, idiot. Jasmine is all “I want to marry for love” then chooses the guy she’s known for 2 days. THAT’S NOT LOVE. Also first movie where they kiss before the finale. I remembered Jasmine flirting with Jafar to distract him, but does she just go around kissing everyone? Also the first movie where they don’t get married. They make us wait until the third movie for that.
Favorite song: Friend Like Me
Honorable mentions: One Jump Ahead (reprise), Prince Ali (reprise)
Favorite characters: Genie and Jasmine
My only complaint about the movie is the title. Acceptable titles: Arabian Nights, Genie, Jasmine…

Movie 7: Pocahontas 1995 The first princess movie loosely based on a true story. On the ship ride from England to American, we see a brief glance into the personality of the characters. John Smith (MEL GIBSON), Thomas (CHRISTIAN BALE), and crew are fun and have amazing accents. Radcliffe, henchman, and dog are super unlikable. Pocahontas has a wild spirit like Ariel and is against an arranged marriage like Jasmine. Also there’s a talking tree. “My bark is worse than my bite.” Shoutout to Meeko who keeps stealing food. I relate. While Radcliffe sings about his gold obsession, John just wants an adventure and I love that. I always hated how Pocahontas and John just magically understood each other. I like how they didn’t make Kocoum a bad guy. He is a respectable warrior and truly cares for his people, but just too serious for Pocahontas’ taste. Grandma Willow fawning over John reminds me of Grandmother Fa from Mulan. The men on both sides are wanting to fight without even talking first. *eyeroll* Men. Kocoum loved Pocahontas and got protective when he saw her and John kissing, which led Thomas to having to shoot Kocoum to save John. What a great scene. Then Pocahontas stops the fighting with her courage and John takes a bullet for the Chief. Another great scene. I’ve always wondered the medical part of the ending. Does he still have the bullet in his chest? What are the chances he’d actually survive the journey back to England? Couldn’t the tribe medicine man help? THE PRINCESS DECIDES NOT TO RUN AWAY WITH THE MAN SHE JUST MET. WHAT A TWIST.
Favorite song: Colors of the Wind
Honorable mention: Just Around the Riverbend, If I Never Knew You (Cheetah Girls version)
Favorite character: I really liked John Smith’s character
Did John Smith steal the show or what?!

Movie 8: Mulan 1998 The one where the girl has to cross-dress to get anything accomplished. I freaking love this movie. We get introduced to Mulan writing a cheat sheet on her arm and I relate. We get little scenes that show she is smart, caring, and talented even though she’s not society’s expectation of wife material. The matchmaker scene never fails to make me laugh. Shoutout to Mulan’s makeup remover during Reflection. “Teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man’s presence” I’m angry. Shoutout to Mulan’s hair cutting skills. Eddie Murphy appreciation sentence. Dishonor on your cow. Does “limp noodle” mean something or am I reading too much into it? Li Shang is man goals – leader, supportive, feminist, and hot. He doesn’t come to Mulan’s rescue at any point, but trusts and respects her. WE STAN. They sing their way to the front line and everyone is dead. Princess movie with the largest death toll? Shang’s troops fighting the Hun army and Mulan burying them in the snow is ICONIC. The men are taking credit for saving China SMH. Mulan making the men dress in drag is time consuming and impractical and I love it. Shan Yu says “the soldier from the mountains” NOT GENDER SPECIFIC. IS SHAN YU A FEMINIST TOO? They defeat him by blowing him up with fireworks. Did I mention this movie has a lot of death? The Emperor is hilarious. “You fight good”. You can do better than that, Shang. GRANDMOTHER FA’S ONE LINERS ARE WHAT I LIVE FOR.
Favorite song: I’ll Make a Man Out of You. No debate.
Honorable mention: The instrumental Mulan action theme.
Favorite character: Li Shang, Mulan, Grandmother Fa, literally everyone
Officially my favorite Renaissance movie.

Movie 9: Princess and the Frog 2009 The start of the modern era of Disney. Tiana is raised in a loving family that teaches her how to work hard. Somehow her dad dies because Disney princesses can’t have both parents. Naveen is a party boy with no sense of responsbility. What’s  the villian’s motive? Money? I do appreciate the twist on the classic Frog Prince story. While the prince turned into a frog, Doctor Voodoo turned the royal sidekick into Prince Playboy. He convinced Sidekick to trick rich girl into marrying him and split the money. The lover frogs are in the bayou trying to become human again. They realize their individual dreams would be incomplete without each other and find their new dream. The whole story fails to grab my attention, but the end when Ray dies makes me cry everytime.  Favorite Song: Almost There Honorable mentions: Dig a little deeper Favorite character: Lewis and Ray The only redeeming thing in this movie is Tiana. Everything else is just meh.
Analysis: Not great

Movie 10: Tangled 2010 OMG OMG OMG I FREAKING LOVE THIS MOVIE and yes I also watch the TV show. Open with Zachary Levi exposition-narration. I love the little touches of detail. Gothel calls Raps “flower”, follows up hurtful comments with “I’m just teasing”, and focuses her love on Raps hair. Flynn brushes her hair out of her face and treats her like a person. Flynn climbs the tower and Raps knocks him out repeatable. As she should have. Flynn is one smooth dude with the ladies. The scene when Raps is finally out of the tower and it’s cutting between the happy and sad reactions is hilarious. I keep forgetting to take notes because the movie is too distracting. When they are in the cave, the water sudden stops rising for them to have a bonding moment then suddenly starts flooding again. Flynn lost the frying pan? But suddenly Raps has it back again? Raps starts calling him Eugene and he stops calling her Blondie. They make it to the kingdom which is my favorite part. But no one recognizes she’s the lost princess? How many mysterious blonde, green eyed lost girls are there? Then the famous lantern scene which is so romantic. Cool, calm, collected Flynn actually gets scared when he realizes Raps is in trouble. The manipulation on Gothel’s part is truly impressive – evil but impressive. Flynn getting aggressive in the jail cell trying to figure out what happen to Raps, it is like the hottest thing. Raps realizes shes the princess because she’s been subconsciously painting the sun symbol. Flynn gets broken out of jail and races to Raps rescue. Gothel casually stabs him. Pascal trips Gothel and she falls to her death. Happy endings for everyone!
Favorite song: Kingdom Dance. Definitely my favorite.
Honorable mention: When Will My Life Begin (reprise), I’ve got a Dream
Favorite characters: Flynn, Raps, Pascal, Max
100% my favorite

Movie 11: Brave 2012 The only Pixar Princess to be included. I may be partial to this movie solely because of the Celtic theme and accents. It’s the first movie to not focus on the romance. It’s a Mother/Daughter love story. AH I forgot how much I love listening to Kelly MacDonald’s voice (Check out Runaway Bride). Classic story of a teenage princess rebelling against her responsibilities and arranged marriage. Mother and Daughter are both talking, but neither are listening. The suitors arrive to compete for her hand, but Merida fights for her own hand WHICH I LOVE. Merida runs away into the woods and magic ensues. Merida goes on adventure with Bear-Mom to try and undo the spell. Hilarity ensues. It gets serious when Bear-Mom turns more Bear. Side quest with finding out the Mordu backstory. HAS ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THIS MOVIE IS VERY FREAKY FRIDAY?! “I’ll take you with my bear hands.” haha pun.
Favorite song: Touch the Sky is a frequent song on my “Sing in the Shower” Playlist because it’s so good
Favorite characters: Merida, but the boys are fun comic relief.
Fun movie that I enjoy, but nothing mind blowing

Movie 12: Frozen 2013 The over hyped one with 2 princesses that focuses on sisterly love but still ends with romantic love. Soundtrack appreciation sentence. Young Anna is my favorite character. Adult Anna is my favorite character. Hans is a DICK. Alan Tudyk appreciation sentence. “You can’t marry a man you just met”. MIC DROP. I’m all for Elsa’s self care retreat in the mountain. Sometimes you just need to let your hair down. You do you boo. Enter Olaf and casually ignore the fact that Elsa can create life. Kristoff takes Anna to the Northern Mountain. Elsa loses control on Anna and creates Marshmallow. Kristoff takes Anna to his troll family and the family assumes they should be together. Kristoff takes Anna to have Hans kiss her. “If only there was someone out there who loved you.” LET ME AT HIM. Seriously Hans? Who believes that they said their marriage vows before she died? There were no witnesses. He has no power over Arendelle. While Hans left Anna to die and is chasing Elsa, Kristoff runs back to the rescue like the adorable hero he is. “Some people are worth melting for”. Olaf is my true love. When I watched this for the first time and Sven fell in the ice, I was devastated. Fun fact: My fingers turn white like Anna’s when I’m cold. Anna chose to die instead kissing Kristoff. Just kidding, she was saving her sister. Anna punching Hans was the best part of the movie. Kristoff ASKS PERMISSION before kissing Anna. Also, if you didn’t know, there is an end credit scene.
Favorite song: First Time in Forever, First Time in Forever (Reprise)
Honorable mentions: I feel like I’m required to say Let It Go =)
Favorite characters: Anna and Olaf
Great movie, but not as good as everyone says

Movie 13: Moana 2016 I love this one. Soundtrack appreciate and Lin Manuel Miranda shout out. Also shout out to Auli’i Cravalho for being the youngest princess. Disney Grandma’s are always the best. Baby Moana is the cutest. The personalities of all the people on the island are hilarious. Alan Tudyk appreciation sentence. I like how Moana tries to sail beyond the reef and fails the first time. It shows the challenge. Grandma shows Moana the boats and gives her the Heart. I love the theory that the Heart was keeping Grandma alive and once she gave it to Moana, her time was over. Moana sails to Maui and they begin their quest. First roadblock is killer Mad Max coconuts. Second roadblock is greedy crab in monster underworld. Maui fails in the fight which shows the challenge. You get backstory and character development. They fail and split up. Moana gets encouraged by force ghost Grandma and continues the quest. “I got your back chosen one. Go save the world.” We STAN Maui. The villain Te Ka is an anger lava monster who just wants her heart back. Te Fiti gets the heart back and takes a nap. I relate.
Favorite song: How Far I’ll Go
Honorable mentions: You’re Welcome, I am Moana
Favorite characters: Maui
Princess movie about a quest and no love interest? I’m sold!

Best Princess:
Hardest choice to make. I’m not gonna do it.

Best Prince: John Smith, Li Shang, Flynn Rider
I like a prince that is strong and supportive. John Smith wanted an adventure and found Pocahontas. He opened his mind to new perspectives and their culture. He even took an arrow for the guy that tried to execute him. Li Shang respected the hell out of Mulan’s out of the box solutions to problems. In the final battle, he followed her lead to protect the emperor. Flynn Rider is just plain dreamy. He is so sweet and considerate, and just wanted the best for Raps.

Best Villain: Ursula, Shan Yu, Gothel
I like a villain that isn’t stupid or dumb down. I also don’t like them to be a one dimensional. Give them personality. Ursula is so sassy and fun while still being manipulative for revenge. Shan Yu commanded the entire Hun army. He didn’t have a ton of lines, but all of them were great. Gothel takes a little more to analyze. She raised a daughter to use for eternal youth. Imagine having to grow up isolated and never knowing true parental love. Even once Raps left, Gothel manipulated the situation to get Raps to go back with her. Then STABS Flynn.

Best Story: Mulan, Tangled, Moana
I don’t like a story that’s too original. That being said, none of these movies were original ideas. Mulan is a legit war movie. Tangled is more traditional, but adds new elements that improve the cliche stereotypes. Moana is the most original and (besides Brave) is the least “princess-y” movie. She goes on a quest to save her people, like Mulan.

MY OFFICIAL DISNEY PRINCESS MOVIE RANKING:
1. Tangled
2. Mulan
3. Aladdin
4. Beauty and the Beast
5. Sleeping Beauty
6. Moana
7. Frozen
8. Brave
9. Pocahontas
10. Little Mermaid
11. Snow White
12. Princess and the Frog
13. Cinderella